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Faith

by Falcon Jane

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1.
All of a sudden you were gone One last good night, so long Now that it’s done, I’m even more alone I don’t know if you ever knew me, got through to me I don’t know if I was true to who I wanted to be with you All of my shame around having your name and not being enough for you I just blamed myself, now it’s all out and I’m back feeling my love Black is the color that we’ve all got on Black like the hour of the night when we were called When you were taken or released from it all I don’t know whether to grieve or believe in it To be relieved, or just stay away from it
Thought you’d always be there, you always would be Thought you’d always be there, you always would be, you always would be I don’t know if you ever knew me, got through to me I don’t know if I was true to who I wanted to be with you All of my shame around having your name and not being enough for you I just blamed myself, now it’s all out and I’m back feeling my love
2.
Heaven 02:51 video
Heaven is a place I’ve been Spending my time in, living my life in You are always there with me to Watch the sun set and rise again I don’t even need to dream, All of my feelings so surreal Nothing’s ever gonna wake me up and out of this Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven is a place I go every time with ya Wish it’d come true, ya Walking out into the lake
I’m starting to feel my heart break Only up to our knees but I believe in What we’re seeing I don’t want to let this go Hold me sugar, in the shallow cove Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven Heaven is a place I’ve been wandering around in Heaven is a place I’ve been wandering around in
3.
Feelings 03:47
What are the chances? What luck We’d be so in love with Who we’ve become And there’s only glimpse Of what once was The fragments are faded My memory’s fuzzed I lost faith in my feelings
I lost faith in the way that I learned to love All my layers, they’re coming undone Shred the paper, pull the plug Where did you go when I couldn’t find you Were you lost like me?
Somehow finding each other But you’re not who I thought you would be Thought you would be Thought you would be Should we find out what happened?
Should we just watch TV?
Lay holding each other so sweetly As we drift off to sleep Forgot all our hard feelings Forgot all of our grief We’re blinded, we’re not finding any reason why We shouldn’t believe You remind me, I’m reminded, baby I just wanna let it be easy Better than I imagined But you’re not who I thought you would be Thought you would be Thought you would be
4.
My heart’s got a big hole in it There’s no telling what’s gonna open it All the things I wish I could’ve said Seems like we’re letting you get away without them Our love’s got a black cloud over it
Don’t wanna let you go up into it Take your pieces of who I am
Leave me with the ones that I could understand The Other Moon you say you’re going to And I don’t deserve to even miss you All my fear, all my regret Is nothing compared to what she had left It came on like a dream But I’m still screaming Screaming
I’m still screaming What if I’m not ready to love What if I’m not ready to move on What if I don’t know how to give it up All this time I’ve been living like I’m lost All this time I’ve been living like I’m lost What if I’m not ready to love What if I’m not ready to move on What if I don’t know how to give it up All this time I’ve been living like I’m lost All this time I’ve been living like I’m lost
5.
Messages 02:26
All those messages and words I told myself Coming backwards and forwards to me now As if I really need to hear them out I tried to say ‘em but I Ended up shouting, ended up falling for it Did before, but I thought it would be different And I don’t know just how to get through it And I do Tried to call up some kind of worthy cause But the wise woman in me has had her flaws Rosie vision, yet I know who I was So I take my Pause and look away, try to save some face Why am I so blue, why do I feel so grey Know the difference, yet I give in anyway And I do I’m down and out I’m down and out I’m down and out
6.
Make It Fade 04:20
I feel it all happening again Though I tried to not let it All my pride is getting in the way of Truly letting me forget it I take my time even more than I need Chalk it up to my selfishness and greed I am the witness to this Leaving us all disappointed Saw it in my mind but never this way Maybe through life we never really change How do I say it, make it go away Make it fade And I’m bound to go through it No way around, but how do you do it All my life has lead up to this moment
And only god knows where Im going I learn trust, still, I learn to have faith in All the things I’ve been thinking and feeling
All the ways I’ve been learning to deal with it I believe I can heal it Saw it in my mind but never this way Maybe through life we never really change How do I say it, make it go away Make it fade
7.
Had Enough 02:55
I grew up in a different time Wasn’t perfect but I didn’t mind it I got the grief about it, I couldn’t believe All the things they tried to lay on me You think I’ve had enough? Had enough You think I’ve had enough? 
Had enough Things got better before they ever got worse Don’t know if you know but I’ve been living under your curse I got the grief about it, they gave me the grief Tried to leave it, but they wouldn’t believe me You think I’ve had enough? Had enough You think I’ve had enough? Had enough
8.
This is my final goodbye One last try to make it work From this side, seems right That I let go before it gets worse But like life, don’t feel right I curse the day I said those words And I hope for it all to burn But I know I gotta let you take your turn Here I am, your right hand Your shot in the dark Any time man, I’d understand You could never go too far Standing by, gently grazed by your shot My body’s hot in alarm And I know your aim must be unsure But I know I’ve gotta let you take your turn My shadow that follows you I wonder where it lays Your dreams, where I’ve been Do they ever go away? See my life through your dark eyes One last time before it fades And I know by now I must be a blur But I know I’ve gotta let you take your turn I know by now, I must be a blur
 But I know I’ve gotta let you take your turn
9.
Held High 03:31
All of the time I spent waiting for it Patiently bored, just another moment
 And I know you felt me, like I felt you But I know it’s easier on my own, without you And I can’t keep it up, like I thought I might, like I tried to Can’t get unstuck while I hide and run to you All of these days pass me by, bye bye All of the ways I wish I could figure it out babe, Really give it a try But I’m scared of your love And I don’t know why All that I wanted is held before me And held high Held high Still I am breaking, like the dawn, like silence Pulling myself open, just for the chance to get to know you All of the time, this time I’ve been right here, but I’ve watched you go by And I can’t keep it up, like I thought I might, like I tried to Can’t get unstuck while I hide and run to you All of these days pass me by, bye bye All of the ways I wish I could figure it out babe, Really give it a try But I’m scared of your love, and I don’t know why All that I wanted is held before me, and held high Held high
10.
Just another beautiful dream Born out of my deepest feelings And all the visions of what I couldn’t say Leave me feeling lost when I finally wake Quietly grieving all that never was All the parts of me that you would have become And oh I beg you, I plead for your love In all the ways I could think of, Anything I could come up with
11.

about

Faith saw Sara May going back to the beginning: her home, her beliefs, and herself. This intention gave her the ability to take another look, to reassess, to breathe. Writing under the Falcon Jane moniker, May explores the intimate experience in getting to know yourself again, highlighting the banal but beautiful ebb and flow of our every day. The new album is an investigation into what it means to be alive and the often painful experience of the ordinary. As someone who describes herself as “emotionally guarded,” Falcon Jane is May outstretched, breaking through the introspective wall and inviting us in on the experiment.

Faith serves as the follow-up to Falcon Jane’s Darling Recordings debut Feelin’ Freaky, which firmly established May’s self-labelled “plez-rock”. Still keeping some of those previously pleasant summer vibes, Faith sees May steer towards a darker spiral; one that personifies the often isolating meanderings that come with figuring it all out.“A lot of the songs on the album are written from me to me,” she explains. “It’s about trusting in yourself and believing in the thoughts and feelings in your own mind.”

The album started coming together at the beginning of 2019, where May’s songwriting synched up with a string of deaths in the family. Losing both of her Grandmothers, her uncle and her Great uncle within the space of a year meant that May was attending a funeral every two months. These notions of memory, grief, loss and love became etched in her mind, pouring out onto the page as a means to understand the fragility of life and the meaning of family. May was striving to see both the light and the dark: a dock leaf, beside a stinging nettle. It’s a perspective that guides the sonic universe of Faith, where shimmering psych-rock, upbeat percussion and warm, luscious harmonies underscore reassuring yet melancholic stories.

However, May never set out to make an album. Writing in her quiet country home in Ontario, Canada – just ten minutes away from where she grew up – it started with just three songs that she and her partner Andrew McArthur wanted to record. This process served as a kind of catalyst and suddenly, there was a cascade of creativity. “Music is how I process vulnerable emotions like sadness and grief and for me these funerals were traumatic in a way,” she says. “You have this whole ceremony about how they’ve transitioned into this other, better world and if you’re sceptical about it like I am, does that mean you need your own grieving process? I needed to say goodbye in my own way.”

The album is a way of excavating her truth through clear-eyed self-examination. "I lost faith in my feelings / I lost faith in the way that I learned to love” May sings on Faith standout “Feelings” – a song that untangles the blockages of a belief system, breaking everything down in order to build it back up again. “This album is just as much about trying to figure out what kind of person I am as it is about death,” she says. “Where do my beliefs lie? Am I a good person? There needed to be a big collapse in order to grow. A total exhale so that I could breathe in new life, new faith.” This new faith is presented in “Heaven”, a track that culminates these internal struggles with an idyllic, peaceful state. “That’s where I’m trying to get to,” May adds. “The rest of the songs are doing the hard work to try to get there.”

May is a firm believer that if we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and honest, it opens the doorway for others to be vulnerable and honest too. Faith is a gesture of collective power that allows us to let go of our own rigid guards and instead, soak in the softer spots. “These songs are much more about asking questions than voicing opinions,” she explains. “What is fate? What is good? What is bad?’ We’re all just trying to exist within those questions and examine what’s important to us.”

credits

released November 13, 2020

Produced by Sara May

Arranged, performed, and recorded by Sara May and Andrew McArthur in Hockley, Ontario

Additional arrangements and performances by Evan Gordon

Mixed by Evan Gordon

Mastered by Heather Kirby at Dreamlands Mastering

All songs written by Sara May
Except Had Enough written by Sara May and Andrew McArthur

Sara May: Vocals, Guitar, Piano, Synth
Andrew McArthur: Vocals, Guitar, Synth, Bass, Drums

Featuring performances by:
Branson Giles - Guitar (2, 3, 4, 6, 7, 9), Vocals (2, 4, 6, 9), Drums (9)
Maley McArthur - Vocals (2, 3, 4, 7)
Wally Jericho - Horns (6)
Held High was recorded at Cave Troll, Toronto
Recording Engineers: Simon Kou and John Watson

We acknowledge the support of the Canada Council for the Arts.

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Falcon Jane Orangeville, Ontario

plez rock from the Canadian wilderness

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